I still have never lived....

Hi, there. It's been a while since my last post. In the last few days, my internet connection has been crashed down for reasons I don't understand. Long live Indosat for this trouble they have caused. As a result, I had to browse the internet by using Telkomnet Instant, which takes a very looong time to load. It took me hours just to read my emails, can't you imagine?

I hardly post at tumblr or other sites containing flash. I can't even continue some of my works, which really disappoints me, because I still love my jobs even though it is not as prestigious as my friends' jobs.

Anyway, I guess I have to re-schedule my daily activities. Due to the hectic activity in campus (submitting students' results, organizing conference, etc), I've neglected my other jobs, especially my job as a reporter. I haven't succeeded interviewing people from Directorate of Syariah at Bank of Indonesia. I'll try to be more aggressive. And I'm gonna research on the files my boss has given me. At least I have to understand a lot of things in order to write a 70-page-long reports about Islamic Bank.

Well, the good thing is... I guess I told you in my previous posts that I somehow lost my purpose and optimicism in life. I guess I finally refound it. Well, not a long-term purpose, I believe. But at least I have a reason to move on with this "oh-so-so-not-interesting" kind of life.

I want to leave.

Yes, that's the reason. I want to leave this country and try to look for more experiences abroad. Therefore, I have to be patient and try to look for "pre"- experiences to get prepared for the "real" experiences outside this lame country. For years, I've been given the kind of life I never want to. I've been living the kind of life that makes my parents happy but it doesn't really succesfully work for my own happiness. But I just have to be patient. It only takes a few months, and then I'm free. I want to change. I really want to change into somebody more "alive" than I am now.

So that I don't have to share the same thoughts with Harold's anymore. You know, Harold? That boy from the movie Harold and Maude who used to say, "I've never lived. I died a few times."

I've always felt the same way. Someday, I really want to be able to say that "I've lived." even just once.

So now, that's the reason why I'm still living my life. To find a real living life.

Pathetic, I know. Go, and laugh at me.