Colourless Green Ideas Sleep Furiously

Hi, there. It's been a while since my last post. In the last few days, my internet connection has been crashed down for reasons I don't understand. Long live Indosat for this trouble they have caused. As a result, I had to browse the internet by using Telkomnet Instant, which takes a very looong time to load. It took me hours just to read my emails, can't you imagine?

I hardly post at tumblr or other sites containing flash. I can't even continue some of my works, which really disappoints me, because I still love my jobs even though it is not as prestigious as my friends' jobs.

Anyway, I guess I have to re-schedule my daily activities. Due to the hectic activity in campus (submitting students' results, organizing conference, etc), I've neglected my other jobs, especially my job as a reporter. I haven't succeeded interviewing people from Directorate of Syariah at Bank of Indonesia. I'll try to be more aggressive. And I'm gonna research on the files my boss has given me. At least I have to understand a lot of things in order to write a 70-page-long reports about Islamic Bank.

Well, the good thing is... I guess I told you in my previous posts that I somehow lost my purpose and optimicism in life. I guess I finally refound it. Well, not a long-term purpose, I believe. But at least I have a reason to move on with this "oh-so-so-not-interesting" kind of life.

I want to leave.

Yes, that's the reason. I want to leave this country and try to look for more experiences abroad. Therefore, I have to be patient and try to look for "pre"- experiences to get prepared for the "real" experiences outside this lame country. For years, I've been given the kind of life I never want to. I've been living the kind of life that makes my parents happy but it doesn't really succesfully work for my own happiness. But I just have to be patient. It only takes a few months, and then I'm free. I want to change. I really want to change into somebody more "alive" than I am now.

So that I don't have to share the same thoughts with Harold's anymore. You know, Harold? That boy from the movie Harold and Maude who used to say, "I've never lived. I died a few times."

I've always felt the same way. Someday, I really want to be able to say that "I've lived." even just once.

So now, that's the reason why I'm still living my life. To find a real living life.

Pathetic, I know. Go, and laugh at me.

I really wish to tell you guys about what has been going on recently in my life. Anyway, I didn't have much time to do so because there are a lot of things to do as there are a lot of things that have changed in my life. Yes, I'm working now. Despite of the debatable definition of "work" itself, I consider myself having a professional career.

I have at least four jobs. An assistant, a teacher, a reporter, and an administration staff. However, in this post, I will focus on my job as an assistant lecturer and a teacher. I'll talk about the other jobs later in next posts.

The first one, as I mentioned earlier in my previous post, I'm an assistant lecturer. Hmmm... I guess I won't talk much about this job. I enjoy teaching, giving academic advices to my juniors, but... teaching college students is much more complicated than teaching school students, if you know what I'm saying. Other than that, I was suddenly struck by the idea of "it's-all-about-the-money" cliche problem. Well, I won't elaborate more on that. :P

Realizing that I cannot survive living only as an assistant lecturer, I tried to find other jobs so that at least I could eat. Yes, I used to work as a translator with a quite reasonable salary but I didn't find the office hour suits me. Somehow I realized that I'm too headstrong to obey all the rules there (Anyway, I've met some great people and got some experiences. So I win some, I lose some. And that's life. I know). And so I decided to make a "rigid search" (as Alex Perchov from the movie Everything Is Illuminated said) to find a suitable job.

I have applied for several different jobs and have done several different interviews. Some of them failed due to my unconvincing appearance/performance during the interviews. Some others failed due to my doubt on the contract/agreement (including the salary, the location, the work hour, etc).

Anyway, I was finally accepted as the teacher in one of the Bimbels in Jabodetabek. I gave extra lessons to highschool students, especially those who wanted to enter universities, more specifically, Universitas Indonesia (the university that I have a love-hate relationship with). It's a lot of fun because this job doesn't tie me with 2-year contract or 3-million penalty (if I couldn't commit to the contract. And obviously I couldn't because I'm planning to take a Master degree next year) and offers me more flexible time.

And the students are so funny and honest. For me, they're just like angels. I know that sometimes they don't obey the rules, they've always been procrastinating, and sometimes they laugh overly out loud. But I like them. Seriously. When I teach them, I feel hope. I can see in their eyes that they're overexcited about everything. Including about their study and their future universities. And for me that's good. It's a lot more fun than seeing some college students (including myself back then) that already lost their ways in university, confused whether or not they should continue their study or take another SIMAK/SNMPTN/UMB just to runaway from their current college life (even though there's no guarantee that they would do better in other faculties/other universities).

These highschool students are different. I know that some of them were disappointed that they weren't accepted in UI. But I feel hope in their eyes, and they're not afraid to take SNMPTN and UMB to achieve their dreams (even if SNMPTN and UMB don't offer higher probability for them to be accepted in UI). But they don't give up. Some of them are realistic enough to realize that being accepted in UI is such a difficult thing to do. But they haven't given in yet. That's what makes me happier to teach them than to teach college students. When I teach them (these highschool students), I still feel hope. I feel "future" in their eyes. I feel grateful being given an opportunity to teach them.

Okay, I think that's all that I can say at the moment. My sister reminded me to take a bath so that she could use this laptop. Thanks for the reminder, sis. Bye, readers.

I am not a Marxist. (Karl Marx)

Okay, it's been a month (more or less) since I've worked in the so-called famous community that shall not be named (my superego said i had to censor the name) and I finally found one person who at least shared the same opinion as mine.

Well, I'm not saying that other people in my office are not nice. Some people there are nice. Some others aren't. Just like in other human beings community.

And I started to think that it is me who exaggerate everything. So I decided to keep silent. Because in this office, I've learned that not everybody has the same opinion on what it is called as "Freedom of Speech." So, yeah... I decided to respect the majority of people and keep my mouth shut. Though my heart has lately been screaming too much.

But then this boy/man came and told me: "Just say it, you don't need to be ashamed. We're all proletariat here."

Well, then. I just found out that even though I'm surrounded by people who unconsciously are controlled by capitalism, there are still people who use the word "proletariat." Even if they don't fight like Karl Marx or whatsoever, I'm glad enough.

It's been boring there talking with people who don't share the same discourse and schema. So... I'm glad to have someone spelling that "Pro-le-ta-ri-at" from his mouth. It's glad to have someone that understands.

By the way, don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to spread rumours or anything. It's merely my thoughts and opinions on my current office. Then again, I have a different kind of ideology compared to most people in the society. But hell yeah, LIKE I CARE.