Colourless Green Ideas Sleep Furiously

Jadi gue udah resmi resign dari kantor yang lama, tapi tetap menjalin hubungan baik dengan para rekan kerja. Dan hubungan gue dengan bokap juga udah membaik. Dia udah kembali normal. Terus hari ini juga ketemu nenek untuk meneliti tentang bahasa dan budaya Batak. Nenek gue (opung boru) jadi bahan penelitian gue. Hehehe. Penelitian ini bakal gue dedikasikan buat almarhum opung doli, kakek gue yang meninggal hampir 2 bulan yang lalu. Dan Alhamdulillah, hari ini Opung Boru juga lagi normal. Haha.

I guess I already told you in my previous post that I've been accepted at the Australian National University, Canberra. I registered for Master of Linguistics (coursework) program, but ANU staff offered me Master of Linguistics (research) program instead. They said that I have a potential in this program considering my undergraduate thesis (I did some research on speech acts and implicatures on the dialogues in the movie Everything is Illuminated, which resulted in very interesting cultural and linguistic conclusions. I even admire myself for being able to do such a wonderful job. I love my undergraduate thesis. That's one of the very few things I hardly regret from my undergraduate study experience).

But as I think about it carefully, I think research program will cost more time and money. And I'm not such person who loves to risk my time and money. Time and money are like the two best gifts God ever gave me, you know. Of course, there's a possibility for scholarships. But it's not a full-fund scholarship and I have to compete with other people who probably deserve scholarship better than me. So, nah. I'm still in my previous choice: coursework program, as it is more efficient and effective, in my opinion. Besides, coursework program doesn't only provide me courses in the class. I should also write some 20,000 - 30,000 words sub thesis, which I believe will improve my academic writing skill.

Other than that, I just want to take one-year program so that I could come back to Indonesia (Hell YEAH, I'd love to leave Indonesia like FOREVER. but my family will not allow me) and find a more suitable job for my career. My one-year working experience was kinda a huge failure, despite I got so much knowledge (whether economic and lingustic knowledge) from my job as an editor at Markets.co.id. Thank you, Mr. Gde Anugerah Arka for that. But still, I want to find a job, which I will love for the rest of my life. A job that will get along with my linguistic hobbies.

Well, let's just pray I'll find some job in Australia. If there's still some more good luck available for me. Then, I don't have to return to Indonesia and I will probably be so filthy rich.

So now... I'm excited in preparing everything. From passport, visa, accommodation (I registered for a room in Fenner Hall, ANU. But I'm not sure yet whether they will accept me or not. Let's pray for the best), etc.

And here are the courses I'm going to take during my study there. Some of the courses sound so exciting. Oh, no. ALL OF THEM sound exciting. I love linguistics so much.

Compulsory courses (Group A):
LING6001 - Introduction to the Study of Language

And at least two of (Group B):
LING6003-Introduction to Syntax
LING6005-Language Change and Linguistic Reconstruction
LING6008-Semantics
LING6010-Phonetics: Sound of the Worlds Languages
LING6019-Phonological Analysis

Elective Courses:
LING6002-Language and Society
LING6007-Morphology
LING6009-Field Methods
LING6015-Language and Culture
LING6016-Language in Indigenous Australia
LING6017-The Chinese Language
LING6018-Languages in Contact
LING6020-Structure of English
LING6021-Cross-Cultural Communication
LING6022-Language Planning and Language Politics
LING6023-Dictionaries and Dictionary Making
LING6026-Syntactic Theory
LING6101-Second Language Acquisition
LING6103-Discourse and Society
LING6505-Acoustics of Voice
LING6508-Study of a Language Family
LING6509-Research Design in (Applied) Linguistics
LING6511-Conversation Analysis
LING6521-Child Language Acquisition
LING6522-Seminar on Semantics
LING6525-Special Topics in Linguistics
LING8025 - Tools and Resources for Language Analysis

I've always been a fan of Kurt Cobain. And for me, his death is such a mystery. As I'm getting more interested in Forensic Linguistics, I want to analyze Kurt Cobain's suicide note from linguistic perspective.

So here's the legendary note:

--------------------------------------------

To Boddah

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.

For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!

-------------------------------

Sorry, I'm not gonna discuss about the analysis in this blog. As I'm still studying more comprehensively about forensic linguistics itself, and I want to make this research as my research paper for my graduate study.

For now, I only share the suicide note with you.. I don't know how it affects others, but it really breaks my heart every time I read this note. Somehow I can understand him.... in a way that most people don't understand.