Colourless Green Ideas Sleep Furiously

You know, in Indonesia, there is a proverb "As if licking your own spit." I guess I've just done that.

Not literally, you know. Of course, who wants to be such grossy?

Anyway, a few weeks (or days, I don't really remember) a go, I deactivated my facebook. But now I declare myself activate it again... in order to promote my cyber novel.

Don't ask me why. I've tried zillion times to look for a publisher that is willing to publish my works. Most of publishers are not interested. They don't like to publish short stories or poem collections if I'm not famous enough to get people buy my books. So, I decided to write a novel, the more commercial form of a literary work. But it didn't succeed either.

When I was in highschool I submitted my first novel. The novel was an ordinary novel about highschool life. It was rejected. But to be fair, the publisher was nice enough to give me some feedbacks and told me that I was potential enough in writing. They said that I have a really strong skill in building my characters but the theme I chose was too ordinary. They also said, "Don't give up! Don't stop writing" ---> yeah, but you rejected it anyway. Like it will have any good to build up my confidence again. -___-"

So when I was in college (it was in my second semester, I suppose), I created another novel. This one was still about highschool life, but I modified it from the point of view of a girl who's already dead (Yes, I know. It sounds like The Lovely Bones. But I swear I hadn't read the novel when I wrote this novel). I tried to publish it to another publisher. They didn't even answer my submission.

So I decided to stop my obsession on being a writer, and tried to focus on my study. But now that I have graduated, the desire of writing came back to me in sudden. But it seems like I kinda lost my trust to some publishers. I'm afraid that they will reject me again, or worse, ignore me and my writing.

And I started to think that I need a medium to put all my uncontrolled emotions these few months. So I decided to start writing a novel again. This one is about a 63-year-old linguist, not about a highschool student anymore.

So my plan is... I'm gonna publish my novel in a blog (I've created one in wordpress) and see if I can make a fanbase there. I keep on updating chapters per chapters. Readers can give comments to help me improve the novel. So readers will also be involved with the novel itself. If I could get some positive responses, I will later see whether this novel is worth-published.

As I consider Facebook as one of the most effective ways to promote things, I decided to reactivate my Facebook and promote my novel there.

But don't get me wrong. I also consider Blogspot useful. So, for all of you bloggers and readers, please do read my novel here and don't forget to leave some comments. Your ideas and suggestions will be highly appreciated.

Thank you so much, in advance! :)

-------

errrrr... I forgot to tell you. The novel is written in Bahasa Indonesia. So maybe you can only read the novel if you can speak Bahasa. Hehee (or you can try to learn Bahasa I guess) :)

I've told you that I have deactivated my facebook. However, some memories still need to be saved. So here are some of my favourite pictures that I used to display on my FB's photo albums.


This one was taken at "Payung" near Building II, Faculty of Humanities, Universitas Indonesia. From this side, my faculty looks outstanding. Such a pity that this picture doesn't really represent reality. :P

Edited by me. Just one of the representation of my narcissism. I like it, though. I ensure myself that none of you has a problem with that. :P

I really like this one. I love the cake and the CD. I put them in this concept in order to express my love for Kate Nash. She's so sweetly different.


This is actually a "failed" picture. When I first took this picture, it looked awful. It showed my capability as an amateur photographer. However, after some little "make up" from Adobe Photoshop, I could gain respect from some deviantart members when I posted this secondhand version of my horrible art.


I took this using my cell phone. This is art. Without any retouch. Proud of it. :)


Edited by me, taken by either Nandini or Hepy (I forgot). I can say that they're one of the best I've ever had in Faculty of Humanities. They never change, even after getting jobs and facing the so called materialistic and catastrophic "real" world.


I personally love to rebeautify my ugly face with Adobe Photoshop and Corel Photopaint. I thank anyone who found such facilities.


Another symbol of narcissism. But I kinda love this one. It's green, representing my favourite colour. And the book I read was some French children book called L'Amie de Petit-Ours. How I miss CCF...


This one is my absolute favourite profile picture. Representing me as a whole. Some depressive girl stuck in a modern world.

I like this because I successfully cooperate with Corel Photopaint to make my eyes look green. Good job, pal. *Shake hands with Corel*

Another failed picture. But the light mas made it more beautiful than what it really is. I'm such a forger.


I told you I miss CCF (and still love CCF until now and forever probably). The book was the handbook I got from some Paragita concert at Goethe Institute. I like Paragita. It's one of the few reasons why I still love UI.

I don't mean to trick anyone and pretend to make myself more beautiful. I suppose everyone is smart enough to realize that this one looks somewhat lovely just because of the graphic. This is one of the most original art I've ever created, even if some people want to throw up over this.

Sorry for the spam. You may skip this and go to sleep. Sorry for the possible nightmares. Don't meet me and my ugly poses in your dream. xD

I do know her. And I know that she has got so much love in her heart. But the thought of letting it out, showing her cards, scares her to death. I never knew it would be possible to miss someone this much. Anthea Stonem (Skins)

I've always been a fan of Kurt Cobain. And for me, his death is such a mystery. As I'm getting more interested in Forensic Linguistics, I want to analyze Kurt Cobain's suicide note from linguistic perspective.

So here's the legendary note:

--------------------------------------------

To Boddah

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.

For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!

-------------------------------

Sorry, I'm not gonna discuss about the analysis in this blog. As I'm still studying more comprehensively about forensic linguistics itself, and I want to make this research as my research paper for my graduate study.

For now, I only share the suicide note with you.. I don't know how it affects others, but it really breaks my heart every time I read this note. Somehow I can understand him.... in a way that most people don't understand.

Okay, I've just found my old article about Mafalda. Hahaha. I wrote this article to apply for somewhat job I neve really expect. And to be honest, this article is one of the crappiest articles I've ever made. Damn. I could have done it better when I was still a college student. xD

Anyway, since I love Mafalda very much, I still want to post this. I hope people will be interested in reading Mafalda after reading this crap. xD

Bienvenidos, Mafalda!

Step aside, Disney princesses and Sailor Moon. Give it up for Mafalda, a witty little girl who is ready to become a new heroine for Indonesian children. The comic strip written by Quino in the 1960’s is now available in Bahasa Indonesia, published by KPG (Kepustakaan Populer Gramedia). This Argentinean comic will give children a different point of view about the world, but still, in a childlike way.

Mafalda Who?

Mafalda is depicted as a 5-year-old girl, living in 1960’s, where the world was dominated by the cold-war issues. Mafalda is really concerned about the condition of the world. Everyday, she listens to the radio and watches TV. She keeps up to date about what’s going on in the world. Unlike other girls in her age, she’s interested in the conflict between United States and Soviet Union, how communism affected the world, hunger and poverty in third world countries, what nuclear would give to the world, and The Beatles songs. However, it doesn’t mean Mafalda would see those things as an adult sees it. She, after all, is still a child. She thinks that the reason why countries in the world fight each other is not because of political differences. Instead, she considers it as the impact of different time areas. Thus, when people in America are sleeping, other people in China are staying awake. By not sharing the same activity, it is difficult for them to understand each other. Mafalda’s ideas represent that sometimes children could see the world in a simpler yet more meaningful way, compared to adults.

Mafalda’s concern for the world is also shown by her future dreams. She would like to be an interpreter for U.N. delegation and accommodate the problems between countries. It’s a very wonderful dream for a very young girl. She also treats her “globe” as her best friend by giving it a thermometer and a cream when she thought the globe was ill and talking to the globe once in a while. Despite of her concern about the catastrophic world, she’s still a child who hates soup and doesn’t like to go back to school after a long holiday. She is still a kid, after all, just like other children in the world.

Mafalda’s Friends

Mafalda is not the only spotlight of the story. She also has some great friends. Susanita, fellow Beatlemania, always dreams to be a dedicated mother and housewife. Manolito, a son of a shop owner, always wants to be a successful businessman. Felipe, a dreamer, always wants to be the Lone Ranger, his favourite hero character. Miguelito, a son of Italian immigrant, always seems to be the most innocent one among all of his friends. Each of the children has his/her own dreams and attitude. They are the representation of today’s children who have different dreams and goals, but still could get along each other.

Why Mafalda?

Why introduce Mafalda to our children? That’s the question. Aren’t children supposed to only watch happiness and things that are not too complicated? Well, we all hope so. But in fact, Indonesian children today are also facing what Mafalda and her friends dealt with in 1960’s. It is no wonder that they have to see unpleasant news on TV and feel that the world is in critical condition. But unlike Mafalda, most children are not “aware” of this condition. Mafalda doesn’t only offer children cute pictures and funny jokes; the comic also encourages young children to care about the social situation around. The comic could also be an input for parents and adults to be aware of the future of their children; what they will be years later if the world can’t survive in dealing with the difficulties it is facing (globalization, climate change, natural disasters, conflicts between countries, etc). Basically, this comic is meant to make all of us realize that we have to do something to save the earth from unexpected unfortunate events in the future. And Mafalda and other children in the world don’t like this kind of situation. You wouldn’t want to see children today grow up by fighting each other, neglecting their environment, and losing their “human” sense toward each other. Children are also parts of the world. They are also parts of the future. They need to be saved. (Rima)

Hi, there. It's been a while since my last post. In the last few days, my internet connection has been crashed down for reasons I don't understand. Long live Indosat for this trouble they have caused. As a result, I had to browse the internet by using Telkomnet Instant, which takes a very looong time to load. It took me hours just to read my emails, can't you imagine?

I hardly post at tumblr or other sites containing flash. I can't even continue some of my works, which really disappoints me, because I still love my jobs even though it is not as prestigious as my friends' jobs.

Anyway, I guess I have to re-schedule my daily activities. Due to the hectic activity in campus (submitting students' results, organizing conference, etc), I've neglected my other jobs, especially my job as a reporter. I haven't succeeded interviewing people from Directorate of Syariah at Bank of Indonesia. I'll try to be more aggressive. And I'm gonna research on the files my boss has given me. At least I have to understand a lot of things in order to write a 70-page-long reports about Islamic Bank.

Well, the good thing is... I guess I told you in my previous posts that I somehow lost my purpose and optimicism in life. I guess I finally refound it. Well, not a long-term purpose, I believe. But at least I have a reason to move on with this "oh-so-so-not-interesting" kind of life.

I want to leave.

Yes, that's the reason. I want to leave this country and try to look for more experiences abroad. Therefore, I have to be patient and try to look for "pre"- experiences to get prepared for the "real" experiences outside this lame country. For years, I've been given the kind of life I never want to. I've been living the kind of life that makes my parents happy but it doesn't really succesfully work for my own happiness. But I just have to be patient. It only takes a few months, and then I'm free. I want to change. I really want to change into somebody more "alive" than I am now.

So that I don't have to share the same thoughts with Harold's anymore. You know, Harold? That boy from the movie Harold and Maude who used to say, "I've never lived. I died a few times."

I've always felt the same way. Someday, I really want to be able to say that "I've lived." even just once.

So now, that's the reason why I'm still living my life. To find a real living life.

Pathetic, I know. Go, and laugh at me.