Kurt Cobain's Suicide Note

I've always been a fan of Kurt Cobain. And for me, his death is such a mystery. As I'm getting more interested in Forensic Linguistics, I want to analyze Kurt Cobain's suicide note from linguistic perspective.

So here's the legendary note:


To Boddah

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.

For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.



Sorry, I'm not gonna discuss about the analysis in this blog. As I'm still studying more comprehensively about forensic linguistics itself, and I want to make this research as my research paper for my graduate study.

For now, I only share the suicide note with you.. I don't know how it affects others, but it really breaks my heart every time I read this note. Somehow I can understand him.... in a way that most people don't understand.

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Te Quiero, Mafaldaaa!!! :D

Okay, I've just found my old article about Mafalda. Hahaha. I wrote this article to apply for somewhat job I neve really expect. And to be honest, this article is one of the crappiest articles I've ever made. Damn. I could have done it better when I was still a college student. xD

Anyway, since I love Mafalda very much, I still want to post this. I hope people will be interested in reading Mafalda after reading this crap. xD

Bienvenidos, Mafalda!

Step aside, Disney princesses and Sailor Moon. Give it up for Mafalda, a witty little girl who is ready to become a new heroine for Indonesian children. The comic strip written by Quino in the 1960’s is now available in Bahasa Indonesia, published by KPG (Kepustakaan Populer Gramedia). This Argentinean comic will give children a different point of view about the world, but still, in a childlike way.

Mafalda Who?

Mafalda is depicted as a 5-year-old girl, living in 1960’s, where the world was dominated by the cold-war issues. Mafalda is really concerned about the condition of the world. Everyday, she listens to the radio and watches TV. She keeps up to date about what’s going on in the world. Unlike other girls in her age, she’s interested in the conflict between United States and Soviet Union, how communism affected the world, hunger and poverty in third world countries, what nuclear would give to the world, and The Beatles songs. However, it doesn’t mean Mafalda would see those things as an adult sees it. She, after all, is still a child. She thinks that the reason why countries in the world fight each other is not because of political differences. Instead, she considers it as the impact of different time areas. Thus, when people in America are sleeping, other people in China are staying awake. By not sharing the same activity, it is difficult for them to understand each other. Mafalda’s ideas represent that sometimes children could see the world in a simpler yet more meaningful way, compared to adults.

Mafalda’s concern for the world is also shown by her future dreams. She would like to be an interpreter for U.N. delegation and accommodate the problems between countries. It’s a very wonderful dream for a very young girl. She also treats her “globe” as her best friend by giving it a thermometer and a cream when she thought the globe was ill and talking to the globe once in a while. Despite of her concern about the catastrophic world, she’s still a child who hates soup and doesn’t like to go back to school after a long holiday. She is still a kid, after all, just like other children in the world.

Mafalda’s Friends

Mafalda is not the only spotlight of the story. She also has some great friends. Susanita, fellow Beatlemania, always dreams to be a dedicated mother and housewife. Manolito, a son of a shop owner, always wants to be a successful businessman. Felipe, a dreamer, always wants to be the Lone Ranger, his favourite hero character. Miguelito, a son of Italian immigrant, always seems to be the most innocent one among all of his friends. Each of the children has his/her own dreams and attitude. They are the representation of today’s children who have different dreams and goals, but still could get along each other.

Why Mafalda?

Why introduce Mafalda to our children? That’s the question. Aren’t children supposed to only watch happiness and things that are not too complicated? Well, we all hope so. But in fact, Indonesian children today are also facing what Mafalda and her friends dealt with in 1960’s. It is no wonder that they have to see unpleasant news on TV and feel that the world is in critical condition. But unlike Mafalda, most children are not “aware” of this condition. Mafalda doesn’t only offer children cute pictures and funny jokes; the comic also encourages young children to care about the social situation around. The comic could also be an input for parents and adults to be aware of the future of their children; what they will be years later if the world can’t survive in dealing with the difficulties it is facing (globalization, climate change, natural disasters, conflicts between countries, etc). Basically, this comic is meant to make all of us realize that we have to do something to save the earth from unexpected unfortunate events in the future. And Mafalda and other children in the world don’t like this kind of situation. You wouldn’t want to see children today grow up by fighting each other, neglecting their environment, and losing their “human” sense toward each other. Children are also parts of the world. They are also parts of the future. They need to be saved. (Rima)

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I still have never lived....

Hi, there. It's been a while since my last post. In the last few days, my internet connection has been crashed down for reasons I don't understand. Long live Indosat for this trouble they have caused. As a result, I had to browse the internet by using Telkomnet Instant, which takes a very looong time to load. It took me hours just to read my emails, can't you imagine?

I hardly post at tumblr or other sites containing flash. I can't even continue some of my works, which really disappoints me, because I still love my jobs even though it is not as prestigious as my friends' jobs.

Anyway, I guess I have to re-schedule my daily activities. Due to the hectic activity in campus (submitting students' results, organizing conference, etc), I've neglected my other jobs, especially my job as a reporter. I haven't succeeded interviewing people from Directorate of Syariah at Bank of Indonesia. I'll try to be more aggressive. And I'm gonna research on the files my boss has given me. At least I have to understand a lot of things in order to write a 70-page-long reports about Islamic Bank.

Well, the good thing is... I guess I told you in my previous posts that I somehow lost my purpose and optimicism in life. I guess I finally refound it. Well, not a long-term purpose, I believe. But at least I have a reason to move on with this "oh-so-so-not-interesting" kind of life.

I want to leave.

Yes, that's the reason. I want to leave this country and try to look for more experiences abroad. Therefore, I have to be patient and try to look for "pre"- experiences to get prepared for the "real" experiences outside this lame country. For years, I've been given the kind of life I never want to. I've been living the kind of life that makes my parents happy but it doesn't really succesfully work for my own happiness. But I just have to be patient. It only takes a few months, and then I'm free. I want to change. I really want to change into somebody more "alive" than I am now.

So that I don't have to share the same thoughts with Harold's anymore. You know, Harold? That boy from the movie Harold and Maude who used to say, "I've never lived. I died a few times."

I've always felt the same way. Someday, I really want to be able to say that "I've lived." even just once.

So now, that's the reason why I'm still living my life. To find a real living life.

Pathetic, I know. Go, and laugh at me.

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My Favourite... Everything Football (Soccer, I mean...)

1. My favourite goalkeepers: Iker Casillas, Oliver Kahn, Fabian Bartez, Jerzy Dudek, David Seaman

2. My favourite defenders: Christoph Metzelder, Alessandro Nesta, Fabio Cannavaro, Roberto Carlos, Paolo Maldini, Fabio Aurelio

3. My favourite midfielders: Michael Ballack, Steven Gerrard, Zinedine Zidane, Pablo Aimar, Rivaldo, Junichi Inamoto, Hidetoshi Nakata, Kaka, Sebastian Deisler, Owen Hargreaves

4. My favourite strikers: MICHAEL OWEN (my all-time favourite footballer), Miroslav Klose, Raul Gonzales, Christian Vieri, Hakan Sukur, Davor Suker, Nuno Gomez, and my new favourite LIONEL MESSI XD

5. My favourite legends: Ian Rush, Pele, Franz Backenbauer, George Best

6. My favourite coach: Bora Milutinovic, Rudi Voller, Gerard Houllier, Rafael Benitez

7. My favourite World Cups: 1998, 2002

8. My favourite national teams: Germany, North Korea, England, Senegal, Nigeria, Turkey, Croatia

9. My favourite leagues: English Premiere League (nothing can replace it) xD

10. My favourite championship: Champions League

11. My favourite World Cup's soundtrack: Del Amitri - Don't Come Home Too Soon

12. My favourite FC: Liverpool FC. period.

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The Only Sustainability We Have is Indifference

The Only Sustainability We Have is Indifference
a poem by Rima Muryantina

“What happened in Gaza, master?”
Asked a little young fellow.
“I don’t want to hear about such matter,”
Answered his master, with eyes filled with sorrow.

“Why does everybody say so?”
Asked the little young fellow.
And for further explanation, everybody says “no.”

So she kept her questions in her heart,
And grew up from a curious brat into a cold-hearted tart.

And when her little young fellow asked,
“What happened in Gaza?”
She left her indifference unmasked,
And said, “I’m bloody Ibiza.”

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Thank You in Advance

I've taken Semantics Class years a go. But if I'm not mistaken, that was the very first time my lecturer, Mr. Diding, informed me that "Thank you in advance" or "Thanks beforehand" is not common in English. I already knew that "Thanks before" is really "Indonesian English." But I didn't know that the more common version of it "Thank you in advance" is also uncommon in English.

At that time, I just accepted what he said without researching more about it. But today, my curiousity came back in sudden. I googled "Thank You in Advance" and I have found out that "Thanks in advance" is not "only" Indonesian English. It is also a custom in Spain and Russia to say "thank you" even before someone does a favour for us. But definitely, it is not a custom in English speaking countries. They only say thank you after they really receive the help.

And my conclusion from this little research is... I find there's nothing wrong with the phrase. I think there's something wrong with English native speakers. How come they don't say thank you when they know that other people will take an effort in order to help them?

And I think this shows how popular the concept of empiricism in England. they don't think people help them if they haven't received the "actual" help from them.

Well, if you're English native speakers... No offense. Really I just find it strange not saying thank you in anticipation for other people's effort for us. But again, maybe it's because of cultural differences.

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