Linguistics, my love, wait for me!!

I guess I already told you in my previous post that I've been accepted at the Australian National University, Canberra. I registered for Master of Linguistics (coursework) program, but ANU staff offered me Master of Linguistics (research) program instead. They said that I have a potential in this program considering my undergraduate thesis (I did some research on speech acts and implicatures on the dialogues in the movie Everything is Illuminated, which resulted in very interesting cultural and linguistic conclusions. I even admire myself for being able to do such a wonderful job. I love my undergraduate thesis. That's one of the very few things I hardly regret from my undergraduate study experience).

But as I think about it carefully, I think research program will cost more time and money. And I'm not such person who loves to risk my time and money. Time and money are like the two best gifts God ever gave me, you know. Of course, there's a possibility for scholarships. But it's not a full-fund scholarship and I have to compete with other people who probably deserve scholarship better than me. So, nah. I'm still in my previous choice: coursework program, as it is more efficient and effective, in my opinion. Besides, coursework program doesn't only provide me courses in the class. I should also write some 20,000 - 30,000 words sub thesis, which I believe will improve my academic writing skill.

Other than that, I just want to take one-year program so that I could come back to Indonesia (Hell YEAH, I'd love to leave Indonesia like FOREVER. but my family will not allow me) and find a more suitable job for my career. My one-year working experience was kinda a huge failure, despite I got so much knowledge (whether economic and lingustic knowledge) from my job as an editor at Thank you, Mr. Gde Anugerah Arka for that. But still, I want to find a job, which I will love for the rest of my life. A job that will get along with my linguistic hobbies.

Well, let's just pray I'll find some job in Australia. If there's still some more good luck available for me. Then, I don't have to return to Indonesia and I will probably be so filthy rich.

So now... I'm excited in preparing everything. From passport, visa, accommodation (I registered for a room in Fenner Hall, ANU. But I'm not sure yet whether they will accept me or not. Let's pray for the best), etc.

And here are the courses I'm going to take during my study there. Some of the courses sound so exciting. Oh, no. ALL OF THEM sound exciting. I love linguistics so much.

Compulsory courses (Group A):
LING6001 - Introduction to the Study of Language

And at least two of (Group B):
LING6003-Introduction to Syntax
LING6005-Language Change and Linguistic Reconstruction
LING6010-Phonetics: Sound of the Worlds Languages
LING6019-Phonological Analysis

Elective Courses:
LING6002-Language and Society
LING6009-Field Methods
LING6015-Language and Culture
LING6016-Language in Indigenous Australia
LING6017-The Chinese Language
LING6018-Languages in Contact
LING6020-Structure of English
LING6021-Cross-Cultural Communication
LING6022-Language Planning and Language Politics
LING6023-Dictionaries and Dictionary Making
LING6026-Syntactic Theory
LING6101-Second Language Acquisition
LING6103-Discourse and Society
LING6505-Acoustics of Voice
LING6508-Study of a Language Family
LING6509-Research Design in (Applied) Linguistics
LING6511-Conversation Analysis
LING6521-Child Language Acquisition
LING6522-Seminar on Semantics
LING6525-Special Topics in Linguistics
LING8025 - Tools and Resources for Language Analysis

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Hello, We Meet Again

Hi, long time no post and I guess I really miss blogspot.

So many things have happened since my last post. So here's some news of my life:

1. I decided to deactivate my facebook again. This time, it's possibly forever.

2. I still continue writing my novel, but I decided to stop promoting it. I find it useless. It's better to keep my novel as a semi-private consumption (for me and my friends only). I stopped wanting to publish my novel, in short. Call me pessimist, whatever.

3. I've been accepted in Australian National University. Well, that's a good news. And that means I don't have to find a boarding house to runaway from home because soon, I will literally leave this country. The course will start in February 2011. Wish me luck.

4. There has been some bad experiences in my office, but it's over now. I'm planning to resign in late December. I'm glad that I have learned so much from my office. I lately understand many things on economics, despite the fact that I graduated from English Department.

5. Oh yea, one last thing: I have decided not to come back to Universitas Indonesia. I've just had enough. I don't want to torture myself anymore. Of course, I am sad that I disappoint my favourite lecturer who expected too much from me. But even if I want to be a lecturer/teacher/academician, I don't want to continue my career in UI. I will find somewhere more proper, I believe so.

So, how are you readers? I'd love to hear from you.

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Swallowed In The Sea

I can only blame myself, you can only blame me

Swallowed in The Sea - Coldplay

Some people may get along with their life easily. Some people get along with their parents as well. I'm not one of some people. Believe me, I have tried a lot more than you know just to please my parents. I guess I never can.

I really don't know what is wrong with me and my parents. Usually I blame myself for that. But lately I think I'm just simply sick of blaming myself and start to think "what if the one who's wrong is my father or my mother, and not me?" or "what if none of us wrong and it's just the way things are" or maybe "what if we all are equally wrong but none of us tries to realize?"

But then I think family shouldn't have been about wrong or right. Family is not a juridical court, nor a school exam, nor even a scientific research. Family shouldn't have been about win or lose either, unlike sport tournament or money market.

Yeah, it shouldn't have been that way. I know. But the truth shows me the opposite. What I've been through with my family has always been the questions about who's wrong and who's right, who gives more benefits than others, who wins the battle, and so on, and so forth.

And I'm simply tired of it. And I want to runaway.

Today my father made me sick to my stomach. As he's always been barely tolerable, but this time is too much and I can't take any more of him.

So I used to either ignore him or fight him in such situations.

But this time I decided to take a different way. I decided to take some time, and wait for the right moment to runaway from home.

You know, even when I'm 21, my parents still try to take control of my life as if it's their office. So I just want some freedom and I want to learn to live by myself without too much depending on them. But I won't, once again, I WON'T go to my relatives' houses for sanctuary. If my family is a disaster, then I can tell you that my relatives are the hell itself. I hate them. They always intervene with my problems without even give solutions. I suppose they laugh at my problems badly. They will seem to defend me at the first place and blame my parents for my pain but are actually ENJOYING every single second of me being suffered.

So I decided that after this year's Idul Fitri, I'm gonna find a boarding house somewhere near my office. I don't want to live at my parents' house anymore. Besides, the distance between my parents' house and my office is quite far. It took me hours to get me at the office on time. So... it makes me tired, and it wastes my money. So, I don't think I should torture myself more just because my parents don't allow me to leave.

Well, that's my plan. Wish me luck.

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Back For Good

You know, in Indonesia, there is a proverb "As if licking your own spit." I guess I've just done that.

Not literally, you know. Of course, who wants to be such grossy?

Anyway, a few weeks (or days, I don't really remember) a go, I deactivated my facebook. But now I declare myself activate it again... in order to promote my cyber novel.

Don't ask me why. I've tried zillion times to look for a publisher that is willing to publish my works. Most of publishers are not interested. They don't like to publish short stories or poem collections if I'm not famous enough to get people buy my books. So, I decided to write a novel, the more commercial form of a literary work. But it didn't succeed either.

When I was in highschool I submitted my first novel. The novel was an ordinary novel about highschool life. It was rejected. But to be fair, the publisher was nice enough to give me some feedbacks and told me that I was potential enough in writing. They said that I have a really strong skill in building my characters but the theme I chose was too ordinary. They also said, "Don't give up! Don't stop writing" ---> yeah, but you rejected it anyway. Like it will have any good to build up my confidence again. -___-"

So when I was in college (it was in my second semester, I suppose), I created another novel. This one was still about highschool life, but I modified it from the point of view of a girl who's already dead (Yes, I know. It sounds like The Lovely Bones. But I swear I hadn't read the novel when I wrote this novel). I tried to publish it to another publisher. They didn't even answer my submission.

So I decided to stop my obsession on being a writer, and tried to focus on my study. But now that I have graduated, the desire of writing came back to me in sudden. But it seems like I kinda lost my trust to some publishers. I'm afraid that they will reject me again, or worse, ignore me and my writing.

And I started to think that I need a medium to put all my uncontrolled emotions these few months. So I decided to start writing a novel again. This one is about a 63-year-old linguist, not about a highschool student anymore.

So my plan is... I'm gonna publish my novel in a blog (I've created one in wordpress) and see if I can make a fanbase there. I keep on updating chapters per chapters. Readers can give comments to help me improve the novel. So readers will also be involved with the novel itself. If I could get some positive responses, I will later see whether this novel is worth-published.

As I consider Facebook as one of the most effective ways to promote things, I decided to reactivate my Facebook and promote my novel there.

But don't get me wrong. I also consider Blogspot useful. So, for all of you bloggers and readers, please do read my novel here and don't forget to leave some comments. Your ideas and suggestions will be highly appreciated.

Thank you so much, in advance! :)


errrrr... I forgot to tell you. The novel is written in Bahasa Indonesia. So maybe you can only read the novel if you can speak Bahasa. Hehee (or you can try to learn Bahasa I guess) :)

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Picture Spam

I've told you that I have deactivated my facebook. However, some memories still need to be saved. So here are some of my favourite pictures that I used to display on my FB's photo albums.

This one was taken at "Payung" near Building II, Faculty of Humanities, Universitas Indonesia. From this side, my faculty looks outstanding. Such a pity that this picture doesn't really represent reality. :P

Edited by me. Just one of the representation of my narcissism. I like it, though. I ensure myself that none of you has a problem with that. :P

I really like this one. I love the cake and the CD. I put them in this concept in order to express my love for Kate Nash. She's so sweetly different.

This is actually a "failed" picture. When I first took this picture, it looked awful. It showed my capability as an amateur photographer. However, after some little "make up" from Adobe Photoshop, I could gain respect from some deviantart members when I posted this secondhand version of my horrible art.

I took this using my cell phone. This is art. Without any retouch. Proud of it. :)

Edited by me, taken by either Nandini or Hepy (I forgot). I can say that they're one of the best I've ever had in Faculty of Humanities. They never change, even after getting jobs and facing the so called materialistic and catastrophic "real" world.

I personally love to rebeautify my ugly face with Adobe Photoshop and Corel Photopaint. I thank anyone who found such facilities.

Another symbol of narcissism. But I kinda love this one. It's green, representing my favourite colour. And the book I read was some French children book called L'Amie de Petit-Ours. How I miss CCF...

This one is my absolute favourite profile picture. Representing me as a whole. Some depressive girl stuck in a modern world.

I like this because I successfully cooperate with Corel Photopaint to make my eyes look green. Good job, pal. *Shake hands with Corel*

Another failed picture. But the light mas made it more beautiful than what it really is. I'm such a forger.

I told you I miss CCF (and still love CCF until now and forever probably). The book was the handbook I got from some Paragita concert at Goethe Institute. I like Paragita. It's one of the few reasons why I still love UI.

I don't mean to trick anyone and pretend to make myself more beautiful. I suppose everyone is smart enough to realize that this one looks somewhat lovely just because of the graphic. This is one of the most original art I've ever created, even if some people want to throw up over this.

Sorry for the spam. You may skip this and go to sleep. Sorry for the possible nightmares. Don't meet me and my ugly poses in your dream. xD

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The Forenoon

Thy Lord hath not forsaken thee nor doth He hate thee

(Ad-Dhuhaa : 3)

Okay, that was one of my most favourite verse in Al-Qur'an. Obviously, I'm a Muslim. Probably not a very good Muslim, as I always whine about my life in this blog and in other possible places in cyber world. Why is that? Because I've been silenced in my real life. For years, I've felt like living in a country, which has no recognition for "freedom of speech" or "innocent until proven otherwise" that I have always been prejudged by most people through their first impressions. If I don't whine all of this nonsense, I think I'm gonna be "literally" mentally ill in my real life.

Yeah, Muslims shouldn't whine about their lives. I have heard this criticism so many times, including from my family, friends, "non"-friends who pretend to be friends, even from my enemies.

I never want to hear them. You know, sometimes listening to good inputs could be really stressful when the commentators are those who don't know how it feels like to be you. It will sound too "arrogant." Those people will easily say "stop whining about your life" because they haven't been in your position and they don't feel the way you feel.

But then, the one who will always slap me on the face is God himself. He always gives the way for me to take a look at the brighter side of my darkness. Sometimes He gives me insights from little things I like (for example: from Germany National Team or from the so-called movie "Inception"). And sometimes He gives me answers after a very long journey. Like what I've just had today. He finally shows me what career suits me best. And I just realized, maybe those failures I got in the past were only some stepping stones to get me here, where I am now.

And of course, I will always get insights from Al-Qur'an, Hadits, and the stories of those wonderful prophets.

Just like this verse, this surrah named "Ad-Dhuha." You know, "Ad-Dhuha" means "The Morning Hours," "The forenoon", or "After Sunrise."

I guess I want to create a band called "The Morning Hours", a story called "The Forenoon" and a movie called "After Sunrise."

LOL. The last idea was just very random.

In short, today is a relief. Especially when I remember the verse above. Sometimes I'm afraid that He forsakes me. I'm afraid that He hates me. But every time I remember that verse, I always put my trust on Him.

And He never disappoints me. Never.

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You Don't Know Me At All. You Never Will.

I do know her. And I know that she has got so much love in her heart. But the thought of letting it out, showing her cards, scares her to death. I never knew it would be possible to miss someone this much. Anthea Stonem (Skins)
Hello, long time no post. Just want to inform you that I've deleted my facebook account today.

Why? That... you don't have to know.

Let's take a look at the bright side. I will have much more time on tumblr and especially, blogspot.
I really miss blogspot. I can say anything I want to say here, without having too many feedbacks from unwanted people.

Yes, I AM that selfish. My sister said that I suffered from Anti-Social Disorder. Somehow I believe her.

I don't really want to get close with people I don't really know. But I also feel guilty if I don't give them the right to simply just say "Hi" to me. So I let them say "Hi." But sometimes "Hi" isn't enough. And several people want to get to know me deeper and deeper. Which is okay, for several people... But for several others... I guess they make me scared.

So yeah, here I am. Going back to blogspot world and leaving my facebook world behind. So watch out! I'm gonna spam your dashboard. xD

Wish me luck. :)

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Kurt Cobain's Suicide Note

I've always been a fan of Kurt Cobain. And for me, his death is such a mystery. As I'm getting more interested in Forensic Linguistics, I want to analyze Kurt Cobain's suicide note from linguistic perspective.

So here's the legendary note:


To Boddah

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.

For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.



Sorry, I'm not gonna discuss about the analysis in this blog. As I'm still studying more comprehensively about forensic linguistics itself, and I want to make this research as my research paper for my graduate study.

For now, I only share the suicide note with you.. I don't know how it affects others, but it really breaks my heart every time I read this note. Somehow I can understand him.... in a way that most people don't understand.

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Te Quiero, Mafaldaaa!!! :D

Okay, I've just found my old article about Mafalda. Hahaha. I wrote this article to apply for somewhat job I neve really expect. And to be honest, this article is one of the crappiest articles I've ever made. Damn. I could have done it better when I was still a college student. xD

Anyway, since I love Mafalda very much, I still want to post this. I hope people will be interested in reading Mafalda after reading this crap. xD

Bienvenidos, Mafalda!

Step aside, Disney princesses and Sailor Moon. Give it up for Mafalda, a witty little girl who is ready to become a new heroine for Indonesian children. The comic strip written by Quino in the 1960’s is now available in Bahasa Indonesia, published by KPG (Kepustakaan Populer Gramedia). This Argentinean comic will give children a different point of view about the world, but still, in a childlike way.

Mafalda Who?

Mafalda is depicted as a 5-year-old girl, living in 1960’s, where the world was dominated by the cold-war issues. Mafalda is really concerned about the condition of the world. Everyday, she listens to the radio and watches TV. She keeps up to date about what’s going on in the world. Unlike other girls in her age, she’s interested in the conflict between United States and Soviet Union, how communism affected the world, hunger and poverty in third world countries, what nuclear would give to the world, and The Beatles songs. However, it doesn’t mean Mafalda would see those things as an adult sees it. She, after all, is still a child. She thinks that the reason why countries in the world fight each other is not because of political differences. Instead, she considers it as the impact of different time areas. Thus, when people in America are sleeping, other people in China are staying awake. By not sharing the same activity, it is difficult for them to understand each other. Mafalda’s ideas represent that sometimes children could see the world in a simpler yet more meaningful way, compared to adults.

Mafalda’s concern for the world is also shown by her future dreams. She would like to be an interpreter for U.N. delegation and accommodate the problems between countries. It’s a very wonderful dream for a very young girl. She also treats her “globe” as her best friend by giving it a thermometer and a cream when she thought the globe was ill and talking to the globe once in a while. Despite of her concern about the catastrophic world, she’s still a child who hates soup and doesn’t like to go back to school after a long holiday. She is still a kid, after all, just like other children in the world.

Mafalda’s Friends

Mafalda is not the only spotlight of the story. She also has some great friends. Susanita, fellow Beatlemania, always dreams to be a dedicated mother and housewife. Manolito, a son of a shop owner, always wants to be a successful businessman. Felipe, a dreamer, always wants to be the Lone Ranger, his favourite hero character. Miguelito, a son of Italian immigrant, always seems to be the most innocent one among all of his friends. Each of the children has his/her own dreams and attitude. They are the representation of today’s children who have different dreams and goals, but still could get along each other.

Why Mafalda?

Why introduce Mafalda to our children? That’s the question. Aren’t children supposed to only watch happiness and things that are not too complicated? Well, we all hope so. But in fact, Indonesian children today are also facing what Mafalda and her friends dealt with in 1960’s. It is no wonder that they have to see unpleasant news on TV and feel that the world is in critical condition. But unlike Mafalda, most children are not “aware” of this condition. Mafalda doesn’t only offer children cute pictures and funny jokes; the comic also encourages young children to care about the social situation around. The comic could also be an input for parents and adults to be aware of the future of their children; what they will be years later if the world can’t survive in dealing with the difficulties it is facing (globalization, climate change, natural disasters, conflicts between countries, etc). Basically, this comic is meant to make all of us realize that we have to do something to save the earth from unexpected unfortunate events in the future. And Mafalda and other children in the world don’t like this kind of situation. You wouldn’t want to see children today grow up by fighting each other, neglecting their environment, and losing their “human” sense toward each other. Children are also parts of the world. They are also parts of the future. They need to be saved. (Rima)

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I still have never lived....

Hi, there. It's been a while since my last post. In the last few days, my internet connection has been crashed down for reasons I don't understand. Long live Indosat for this trouble they have caused. As a result, I had to browse the internet by using Telkomnet Instant, which takes a very looong time to load. It took me hours just to read my emails, can't you imagine?

I hardly post at tumblr or other sites containing flash. I can't even continue some of my works, which really disappoints me, because I still love my jobs even though it is not as prestigious as my friends' jobs.

Anyway, I guess I have to re-schedule my daily activities. Due to the hectic activity in campus (submitting students' results, organizing conference, etc), I've neglected my other jobs, especially my job as a reporter. I haven't succeeded interviewing people from Directorate of Syariah at Bank of Indonesia. I'll try to be more aggressive. And I'm gonna research on the files my boss has given me. At least I have to understand a lot of things in order to write a 70-page-long reports about Islamic Bank.

Well, the good thing is... I guess I told you in my previous posts that I somehow lost my purpose and optimicism in life. I guess I finally refound it. Well, not a long-term purpose, I believe. But at least I have a reason to move on with this "oh-so-so-not-interesting" kind of life.

I want to leave.

Yes, that's the reason. I want to leave this country and try to look for more experiences abroad. Therefore, I have to be patient and try to look for "pre"- experiences to get prepared for the "real" experiences outside this lame country. For years, I've been given the kind of life I never want to. I've been living the kind of life that makes my parents happy but it doesn't really succesfully work for my own happiness. But I just have to be patient. It only takes a few months, and then I'm free. I want to change. I really want to change into somebody more "alive" than I am now.

So that I don't have to share the same thoughts with Harold's anymore. You know, Harold? That boy from the movie Harold and Maude who used to say, "I've never lived. I died a few times."

I've always felt the same way. Someday, I really want to be able to say that "I've lived." even just once.

So now, that's the reason why I'm still living my life. To find a real living life.

Pathetic, I know. Go, and laugh at me.

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My Favourite... Everything Football (Soccer, I mean...)

1. My favourite goalkeepers: Iker Casillas, Oliver Kahn, Fabian Bartez, Jerzy Dudek, David Seaman

2. My favourite defenders: Christoph Metzelder, Alessandro Nesta, Fabio Cannavaro, Roberto Carlos, Paolo Maldini, Fabio Aurelio

3. My favourite midfielders: Michael Ballack, Steven Gerrard, Zinedine Zidane, Pablo Aimar, Rivaldo, Junichi Inamoto, Hidetoshi Nakata, Kaka, Sebastian Deisler, Owen Hargreaves

4. My favourite strikers: MICHAEL OWEN (my all-time favourite footballer), Miroslav Klose, Raul Gonzales, Christian Vieri, Hakan Sukur, Davor Suker, Nuno Gomez, and my new favourite LIONEL MESSI XD

5. My favourite legends: Ian Rush, Pele, Franz Backenbauer, George Best

6. My favourite coach: Bora Milutinovic, Rudi Voller, Gerard Houllier, Rafael Benitez

7. My favourite World Cups: 1998, 2002

8. My favourite national teams: Germany, North Korea, England, Senegal, Nigeria, Turkey, Croatia

9. My favourite leagues: English Premiere League (nothing can replace it) xD

10. My favourite championship: Champions League

11. My favourite World Cup's soundtrack: Del Amitri - Don't Come Home Too Soon

12. My favourite FC: Liverpool FC. period.

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The Only Sustainability We Have is Indifference

The Only Sustainability We Have is Indifference
a poem by Rima Muryantina

“What happened in Gaza, master?”
Asked a little young fellow.
“I don’t want to hear about such matter,”
Answered his master, with eyes filled with sorrow.

“Why does everybody say so?”
Asked the little young fellow.
And for further explanation, everybody says “no.”

So she kept her questions in her heart,
And grew up from a curious brat into a cold-hearted tart.

And when her little young fellow asked,
“What happened in Gaza?”
She left her indifference unmasked,
And said, “I’m bloody Ibiza.”

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Thank You in Advance

I've taken Semantics Class years a go. But if I'm not mistaken, that was the very first time my lecturer, Mr. Diding, informed me that "Thank you in advance" or "Thanks beforehand" is not common in English. I already knew that "Thanks before" is really "Indonesian English." But I didn't know that the more common version of it "Thank you in advance" is also uncommon in English.

At that time, I just accepted what he said without researching more about it. But today, my curiousity came back in sudden. I googled "Thank You in Advance" and I have found out that "Thanks in advance" is not "only" Indonesian English. It is also a custom in Spain and Russia to say "thank you" even before someone does a favour for us. But definitely, it is not a custom in English speaking countries. They only say thank you after they really receive the help.

And my conclusion from this little research is... I find there's nothing wrong with the phrase. I think there's something wrong with English native speakers. How come they don't say thank you when they know that other people will take an effort in order to help them?

And I think this shows how popular the concept of empiricism in England. they don't think people help them if they haven't received the "actual" help from them.

Well, if you're English native speakers... No offense. Really I just find it strange not saying thank you in anticipation for other people's effort for us. But again, maybe it's because of cultural differences.

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Water-Babies' Translation

I'm trying to translate one of my favourite novels, Water-Babies by Charles Kingsley. Please do leave a comment. I want to know whether or not I have done it well. Your suggestions are more than pleasure to me. :)

I'll only post the first paragraph of the story.

The English Version:

Once upon a time there was a little chimney-sweep, and his name was Tom. That is a short name, and you have heard it before, so you will not have much trouble in remembering it. He lived in a great town in the North country, where there were plenty of chimneys to sweep, and plenty of money for Tom to earn and his master to spend. He could not read nor write, and did not care to do either; and he never washed himself, for there was no water up the court where he lived. He had never been taught to say his prayers. He never had heard of God, or of Christ, except in words which you never have heard, and which it would have been well if he had never heard. He cried half his time, and laughed the other half. He cried when he had to climb the dark flues, rubbing his poor knees and elbows raw; and when the soot got into his eyes, which it did every day in the week; and when his master beat him, which he did every day in the week; and when he had not enough to eat, which happened every day in the week likewise. And he laughed the other half of the day, when he was tossing halfpennies with the other boys, or playing leap-frog over the posts, or bowling stones at the horses' legs as they trotted by, which last was excellent fun, when there was a wall at hand behind which to hide. As for chimney-sweeping, and being hungry, and being beaten, he took all that for the way of the world, like the rain and snow and thunder, and stood manfully with his back to it till it was over, as his old donkey did to a hail- storm; and then shook his ears and was as jolly as ever; and thought of the fine times coming, when he would be a man, and a master sweep, and sit in the public-house with a quart of beer and a long pipe, and play cards for silver money, and wear velveteens and ankle-jacks, and keep a white bull-dog with one gray ear, and carry her puppies in his pocket, just like a man. And he would have apprentices, one, two, three, if he could. How he would bully them, and knock them about, just as his master did to him; and make them carry home the soot sacks, while he rode before them on his donkey, with a pipe in his mouth and a flower in his button-hole, like a king at the head of his army. Yes, there were good times coming; and, when his master let him have a pull at the leavings of his beer, Tom was the jolliest boy in the whole town.

The Indonesian Version (my translation)

Dahulu kala hidup seorang anak pembersih cerobong asap bernama Tom. Namanya singkat dan sangat familiar sehingga tidak sulit bagi kalian untuk mengingatnya. Ia tinggal di sebuah kota besar di Negeri Utara, negeri yang memiliki banyak cerobong asap untuk dibersihkan dan sedikit uang untuk diperoleh oleh Tom untuk kemudian dihambur-hamburkan oleh tuannya. Tom tidak dapat membaca dan menulis, dan ia tidak peduli. Ia tidak pernah mandi karena tidak ada air di lapangan tempatnya tinggal. Ia tidak pernah diajari berdoa. Ia tidak pernah mendengar apapun tentang Tuhan, kecuali dalam kata-kata yang seharusnya tidak pernah ia dengar. Kadang-kadang ia menangis, kadang-kadang ia tertawa. Ia menangis ketika lutut dan sikunya terluka saat ia memanjat cerobong asap dan ketika matanya kemasukan debu (ia mengalami hal ini tiap hari). Ia juga menangis ketika tuannya memukulnya (ia mengalami hal ini tiap hari). Ia pun menangis ketika ia tidak mendapat cukup makanan (ia juga mengalami hal ini tiap hari). Dan ia tertawa ketika ia bermain lempar-lemparan koin dengan teman-temannya, atau bermain lompat katak, atau melempari batu pada kaki kuda yang sedang berjalan, yang memang sangat menyenangkan, apalagi ketika mereka dapat bersembunyi di balik dinding setelah melakukannya. Sementara itu, Tom menganggap bahwa membersihkan cerobong asap, kelaparan, dan dipukuli majikannya sebagai suatu hal yang alami dan wajar seperti halnya hujan, salju, dan gemuruh. Ia bertahan menghadapinya sampai semua itu berakhir, seperti keledai tua yang bertahan dalam badai. Setelah itu, ia akan menggosok telinganya dan bersenang-senang dan membayangkan tentang masa-masa bahagia di masa depan ketika ia akan menjadi seorang pria dewasa, seorang Boss para pembersih cerobong asap yang duduk di penginapan sambil menenggak bir dan menghisap cerutu, bermain kartu, dan mengenakan beludru dan kaki palsu, dan memelihara bull-dog putih yang memiliki telinga berwarna abu-abu, dan memasukkan anak-anak anjingnya ke dalam saku baju, selayaknya pria sejati. Dan bila ia sanggup, ia akan memiliki penerus, satu, dua, atau tiga anak pembersih cerobong asap. Tom akan menyakiti dan memukuli mereka seperti yang tuannya lakukan padanya dulu dan menyuruh mereka membawa pulang kantong berisi abu, sementara ia menunggang keledainya, dengan cerutu di mulutnya dan bunga di kancing bajunya, seperti raja yang diiringi para tentaranya. Ya, banyak kejadian menyenangkan terjadi. Dan ketika tuannya mengizinkan Tom mencicipi sisa birnya, ia menjadi anak yang paling bahagia di kota.


So.... what do you think? Is it readable enough? xD

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Kramer Vs. Kramer

Ted Kramer: Just tell me what I did. Just tell me what I did.
Joanna Kramer: No, it's not you. It's me. My fault.

I'm gonna share my favourite dialogues from the movie Kramer Vs. Kramer. This movie is simple yet really moving. :')

JOANNA: I want my son.

TED: You can't have him.

JOANNA: Don't get defensive. Don't try to bully me, okay.

TED: I'm not getting defensive. Joanna, you're the one who left the house 15 months a go.

JOANNA: I don't care.

TED: Do you think you still have a right..?

JOANNA: I am still his mother.

TED: Well, million miles away, just because you sent him postcards, doesn't mean...

JOANNA: I never stop loving him, I never stop wanting him.


SHAUNESSY: Now then, Mrs. Kramer, you say that you were married for eight years. Is that right?


SHAUNESSY: In all that time did your husband ever strike you or you physically abuse in any way.


SHAUNESSY: Did your husband strike or physically abuse his child in any way?


SHAUNESSY: Would you describe your husband as an alcoholic?


SHAUNESSY: A heavy drinker?


SHAUNESSY: Was he unfaithful?


SHAUNESSY: Did he ever fail to provide for you?


SHAUNESSY: Well, I can certainly see why you left him.

GRESSEN: Objection.

SHAUNESSY: How long do you plan to live in New York, Mrs. Kramer?

JOANNA: Permanently.

SHAUNESSY: How many boy friends have you had --permanently?

GRESSEN: Objection your honor on the grounds of vagueness.

Judge: I'll allow it.

JOANNA: I don't recall.

SHAUNESSY: Well more than three, less than thirty-three, permanently?

GRESSEN: Objection!

JUDGE: Overruled. The witness will answer, please.

JOANNA: Somewhere in between.

SHAUNESSY: Do you have a lover now?

JOANNA: Yes I'm seeing someone now.

SHAUNESSY: Is that...permanent?

JOANNA: I...I don't know...

SHAUNESSY: Then, we don't really know, do we, when you say "permanently" if you plan to live in New York, or even to keep the child for that matter, since you've never really done anything in your life that was continuing, stable, or could be regarded as permanent.

GRESSEN-- Objection! I must request that the counsel be prevented from harassing the witness.

Judge: Sustained.

SHAUNESSY: I'll put it another way counselor, what is the longest personal relationship in your life outside of your parents or girlfriends?

JOANNA: I suppose that would be...with my child.

SHAUNESSY: Whom you've seen twice in a year? Mrs. Kramer, your ex-husband, wasn't he the longest personal relationship in your life? Would you speak up Mrs. Kramer, I couldn't hear that.

JOANNA: Yes...

SHAUNESSY: How long was that?

JOANNA: We were married a year before the baby. And then seven years after that.

SHAUNESSY: So, you were a failure at the one most important relationship in your life.

GRESSEN: Objection!

JUDGE: Overruled. The witness' opinion on this is relevant.

JOANNA: I was not a failure.

SHAUNESSY: Oh? What do you call it then--a success? The marriage ended

in divorce?

JOANNA: I consider it less my failure than his.

SHAUNESSY: Congratulations, Mrs. Kramer. You have just rewritten matrimonial law. You were both divorced, Mrs. Kramer.

GRESSEN: Objection!

SHAUNESSY: Your honor, I would like to ask if this model of stability and respectability has ever succeeded at anything? Mrs. Kramer, were you a failure

at the longest, most important personal relationship in your life?

JUDGE: Please answer the question, Mrs. Kramer.

JOANNA: It did not succeed.

SHAUNESSY: Not so close, Mrs. Kramer--you. Were you a failure at the one most important personal relation-ship of your life? Were you?

TED: (Whispering) No.

JOANNA: (Looking at Ted. Whispering) Yes.

JUDGE: Is that a "yes", Mrs. Kramer?

JOANNA: Yes. (crying)

SHAUNESSY: No further questions.

TED: Do you need to be so rough on her?


JOANNA: How do I look?

TED: Terrific.


This couple is totally one of my all-time favourite couple. I'm addicted to watching Kramer Vs. Kramer. Too bad I can only watch it on Youtube. The first time I watched the movie was years a go on Metro TV. T___T

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When I Teach Them, I Feel Hope

Well, teaching highschool students somehow makes me revel in nostalgia. One of those innocent highschool students on the picture above is me. And my good old days are dead now. Indeed. :P

I really wish to tell you guys about what has been going on recently in my life. Anyway, I didn't have much time to do so because there are a lot of things to do as there are a lot of things that have changed in my life. Yes, I'm working now. Despite of the debatable definition of "work" itself, I consider myself having a professional career.

I have at least four jobs. An assistant, a teacher, a reporter, and an administration staff. However, in this post, I will focus on my job as an assistant lecturer and a teacher. I'll talk about the other jobs later in next posts.

The first one, as I mentioned earlier in my previous post, I'm an assistant lecturer. Hmmm... I guess I won't talk much about this job. I enjoy teaching, giving academic advices to my juniors, but... teaching college students is much more complicated than teaching school students, if you know what I'm saying. Other than that, I was suddenly struck by the idea of "it's-all-about-the-money" cliche problem. Well, I won't elaborate more on that. :P

Realizing that I cannot survive living only as an assistant lecturer, I tried to find other jobs so that at least I could eat. Yes, I used to work as a translator with a quite reasonable salary but I didn't find the office hour suits me. Somehow I realized that I'm too headstrong to obey all the rules there (Anyway, I've met some great people and got some experiences. So I win some, I lose some. And that's life. I know). And so I decided to make a "rigid search" (as Alex Perchov from the movie Everything Is Illuminated said) to find a suitable job.

I have applied for several different jobs and have done several different interviews. Some of them failed due to my unconvincing appearance/performance during the interviews. Some others failed due to my doubt on the contract/agreement (including the salary, the location, the work hour, etc).

Anyway, I was finally accepted as the teacher in one of the Bimbels in Jabodetabek. I gave extra lessons to highschool students, especially those who wanted to enter universities, more specifically, Universitas Indonesia (the university that I have a love-hate relationship with). It's a lot of fun because this job doesn't tie me with 2-year contract or 3-million penalty (if I couldn't commit to the contract. And obviously I couldn't because I'm planning to take a Master degree next year) and offers me more flexible time.

And the students are so funny and honest. For me, they're just like angels. I know that sometimes they don't obey the rules, they've always been procrastinating, and sometimes they laugh overly out loud. But I like them. Seriously. When I teach them, I feel hope. I can see in their eyes that they're overexcited about everything. Including about their study and their future universities. And for me that's good. It's a lot more fun than seeing some college students (including myself back then) that already lost their ways in university, confused whether or not they should continue their study or take another SIMAK/SNMPTN/UMB just to runaway from their current college life (even though there's no guarantee that they would do better in other faculties/other universities).

These highschool students are different. I know that some of them were disappointed that they weren't accepted in UI. But I feel hope in their eyes, and they're not afraid to take SNMPTN and UMB to achieve their dreams (even if SNMPTN and UMB don't offer higher probability for them to be accepted in UI). But they don't give up. Some of them are realistic enough to realize that being accepted in UI is such a difficult thing to do. But they haven't given in yet. That's what makes me happier to teach them than to teach college students. When I teach them (these highschool students), I still feel hope. I feel "future" in their eyes. I feel grateful being given an opportunity to teach them.

Okay, I think that's all that I can say at the moment. My sister reminded me to take a bath so that she could use this laptop. Thanks for the reminder, sis. Bye, readers.

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Ich Liebe Meine Mutti :)

A short story written by me. Dedicated to my Mom. I do love you, Mom. I just don't love those people around you...

Kaya dan Negeri Pelangi
Oleh: Rima Muryantina

Pada zaman yang tidak terlalu dahulu kala, di sebuah kota, tinggallah seorang anak perempuan bernama Kaya. Kaya tinggal di sebuah rumah besar bersama ibunya. Setiap hari, ibunya menyuruh Kaya untuk pergi ke sekolah. Kaya tidak suka sekolah. Ia selalu dijahili oleh anak-anak lain di sekolah. Setiap hari, anak-anak mengejeknya, Berkali-kali Kaya meminta mereka untuk diam, tetapi mereka tidak mau diam dan terus mengejek Kaya.

Suatu hari, ketika hari sedang hujan, Kaya sudah sangat kesal dengan anak-anak di sekolahnya. Ia tidak ingin sekolah. “Aku tidak ingin sekolah, Ma,” begitu kata Kaya pada ibunya. “Tapi kamu harus sekolah. Kamu harus belajar di sekolah supaya pintar,” ujar ibunya.

Kemudian ibunya juga menasihati Kaya agar mau bergaul dengan anak-anak lain di sekolah. “Aku tidak mau bergaul dengan mereka. Mereka hanya mau menghinaku,” seru Kaya dengan kesal. Ibunya berkata, “Kamu belum mencoba. Kamu harus berusaha untuk bisa berteman dengan mereka.”

Kaya yang kesal akhirnya berangkat ke sekolah sambil membanting pintu. Ia berjalan di tengah hujan tanpa membawa payung. “Semua orang tidak pernah mendengarkan aku dan berbicara sesuka mereka! Aku ingin pergi ke dunia tempat orang-orang tidak bisa berbicara!” seru Kaya sambil berteriak ke langit.

Saat itu, tiba-tiba Kaya mendengar suara dari belakangnya. “Keinginanmu bisa kukabulkan,” ujar suara itu. Kaya menengok ke belakang dan melihat seorang pria tinggi yang berpakaian serba hijau. Pria tinggi itu mengenakan topi hijau, kemeja hijau, jas hijau, celana panjang hijau, dan sepatu hijau. Ia juga membawa sebuah payung berwarna hijau.

“Keinginanmu akan kukabulkan, Kaya. Tapi kau harus bersedia memakai payungku ini,” ujar pria berpakaian hijau tersebut.
“Kamu siapa? Kenapa tahu namaku?” tanya Kaya pada pria berpakaian hijau itu.
“Aku Tuan Payung dari Negeri Pelangi. Aku mengabulkan keinginan anak-anak yang sedang bersedih. Tapi dengan satu syarat, anak yang bersedih itu harus bersedia mengenakan payungku,” ujar Tuan Payung dari Negeri Pelangi.
Kaya sebenarnya tidak terlalu percaya dengan kata-kata Tuan Payung dari Negeri Pelangi. Akan tetapi, ia tetap menerima payung tersebut dari Tuan Payung. Kaya pikir, “Mungkin orang ini hanya orang baik yang ingin meminjamkan payung padaku supaya aku tidak kehujanan.”

Ketika Kaya memegang payung tersebut, tiba-tiba Kaya terbang dengan payung hijau itu ke atas langit. Kaya terbang melewati awan. Hujan perlahan berhenti dan langit pun mulai terlihat cerah. Kaya melihat ada pelangi muncul di tengah-tengah awan. Di sana, ada anak-anak kecil yang bersayap sedang bermain-main. Mereka berseluncur di atas pelangi. Mereka memainkan awan seolah-olah awan-awan itu adalah gulali. Anak-anak itu kemudian membentuk sebuah tulisan dengan awan-awan tersebut. Tulisan itu menunjukkan pesan: “Selamat Datang di Negeri Pelangi”

Kaya yang masih melayang dengan payung hijaunya, kemudian mendekat ke arah anak-anak bersayap itu. Anak-anak bersayap itu mengajaknya bermain tanpa berbicara apa-apa. Mereka hanya bisa tertawa dan bersuka cita. Mereka tidak mengeluarkan kata-kata yang menyakiti Kaya. Semua sesuai dengan harapan Kaya. Kaya bahkan tidak perlu memperkenalkan diri pada mereka, mereka sudah langsung menerima Kaya sebagai bagian dari Negeri Pelangi. Kaya memang tidak kehilangan suaranya, tapi ia tidak perlu mengeluarkan suaranya karena tidak ada yang menuntutnya untuk bersuara. Kaya hanya diajak tertawa dan bersenandung bersama mereka.

Sejak saat itu, Kaya tinggal di Negeri Pelangi dan tiap hari bermain bersama anak-anak bersayap. Mereka berseluncur di atas pelangi, memakan gulali awan, menangkap bintang-bintang di saat malam, tidur di atas Nyonya Bulan, mendengarkan senandung burung yang berterbangan, dan menonton pertunjukan pantomim yang dilakukan oleh Tuan Matahari. Tidak ada yang bertengkar karena tidak ada yang berbicara. Sehari-harinya, mereka hanya tertawa dan bersenandung bersama.

Pada suatu malam, ada sebuah bintang jatuh. Anak-anak Negeri Pelangi berusaha mengejar bintang jatuh tersebut. Mereka berlomba-lomba untuk menangkapnya. Biasanya, setiap malam, anak-anak bersayap akan mengejar dan menangkap bintang tanpa harus bertengkar karena jumlah bintang di malam hari tak terhitung banyaknya. Mereka tidak pernah kekurangan bintang. Akan tetapi, kali ini mereka bertengkar memperebutkan bintang jatuh karena jumlah bintang jatuh hanya ada satu. Anak-anak bersayap yang tadinya hidup damai kini jadi saling memukul dan menjambak. Mereka menarik-narik bintang jatuh sambil saling membentak.

Kaya berusaha mendiamkan dan melerai teman-temannya. Namun, anak-anak bersayap tidak mendengarkan. Karena semua anak berteriak, secara bersahut-sahutan, kata-kata Kaya tidak lagi didengarkan. Akhirnya Kaya pun mengumpulkan gumpalan-gumpalan awan dan membuat tulisan di dekat pelangi. Kaya menulis “MAAF” dengan huruf yang sangat besar.

Nyonya Bulan memantulkan cahaya dari Tuan Matahari untuk membantu Kaya menerangi tulisan dari gumpalan awan tersebut. Karena cahaya yang dipantulkan Nyonya Bulan cukup terang, akhirnya anak-anak bersayap memperhatikan tulisan tersebut. “Kalian harus saling meminta “Maaf,” ujar Kaya pada anak-anak bersayap. “Ayo kalian bilang “maaf” satu sama lain,” pinta Kaya pada teman-temannya.

Setelah mendengar anjuran Kaya, anak-anak bersayap saling mengucapkan “maaf.” Setelah mengucapkan kata itu, mereka tidak lagi merasa kesal satu sama lain. Mereka menangis dan menyesal sudah bertengkar hanya karena ingin memperebutkan bintang jatuh. Meskipun begitu, mereka masih bingung harus melakukan apa pada bintang jatuh tersebut. Saat itulah, Tuan Payung yang berpakaian serba hijau tiba-tiba datang dan menawarkan bantuan pada Kaya. “Kaya, karena kamu sudah mendamaikan anak-anak bersayap dan mengajari mereka kata “maaf,” kamu boleh mendapatkan bintang jatuh itu dan menggunakannya sesukamu,” ujar Tuan Payung.

Anak-anak bersayap setuju. Mereka menyerahkan bintang jatuh itu pada Kaya. Ketika memegang bintang jatuh itu, Kaya teringat akan ibunya yang sudah ia tinggalkan sejak lama. Ia ingat sempat marah dan membanting pintu di depan ibunya. Kaya ingat bahwa ia sendiri belum meminta “maaf” pada ibunya. “Aku ingin bintang jatuh ini membawaku pulang ke bumi.”
Awalnya anak-anak bersayap bersedih mendengar Kaya akan pulang ke bumi. “Aku senang berteman dengan kalian, tapi rumahku di bumi. Aku harus kembali ke bumi,” ujar Kaya. Setelah mengucapkan perpisahan dan bermain dengan anak-anak bersayap untuk terakhir kalinya, Kaya diantarkan Tuan Payung kembali ke bumi dengan mengendarai bintang jatuh.

Kaya kemudian sampai di jalan tempat dia pertama kali bertemu Tuan Payung. Tuan Payung kemudian pergi kembali ke Negeri Pelangi bersama bintang jatuh. “Terima kasih Tuan Payung! Sampai jumpa,” kata Kaya sambil melambaikan tangan.
Di jalan itu, hujan tidak lagi turun. Kaya tidak lagi kebasahan. Ia berlari kembali menuju rumahnya. Kaya memanggil ibunya. “Mama, aku sudah pergi terlalu lama, ya?” tanya Kaya. “Kamu baru pergi tadi, Kaya. Dan kamu lupa bawa payungmu,” kata ibunya sambil menyerahkan sebuah payung hijau pada Kaya.
“Maafkan aku, Mama,” ujar Kaya sambil memeluk ibunya. “Aku akan pergi ke sekolah sesuai dengan perintah Mama. Dan aku tidak perlu payung hijau ini lagi, Ma. Hujan sudah berhenti,” kata Kaya sambil tersenyum.

Sejak saat itu, Kaya kembali menjalani hidup bersama ibunya, meski tidak selalu bahagia.

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Laura Marling - Alas, I Cannot Swim

There's a house across the river, but alas. I cannot swim
And a garden of such beauty that the flowers seem to grin
There's a house across the river, but alas, I cannot swim
I'll live my life regretting that I never jumped in

There's a boy across the river with short black curly hair

He wants to be my lover and I want to be his peer
There's a boy across the river but alas, I cannot swim
And I never will get to put my arms around him

There's a life across the river that was meant for me

Instead I live my life in constant misery
There's a life across the river but I do not see
Why I should please those that will never be pleased

There is gold across the river but I don't want none

Gold is fleeting, gold is fickle, gold is fun

There is gold across the river but I don't want none

I would rather be dry than held up by a golden gun

Saying work more, earn more, live more

Have more fun


The big-sized fonts show my feelings at the moment. Laura Marling speaks my heart out.

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Mary Ingalls :: Dreamer

This is a very nice fan-vid dedicated to Mary Ingalls, my favourite character from the Series (and the books, but in this video there are only pictures of Mary from the TV Series) Little House on The Prairie (1974-1983). The series was played in Indonesia during the early 90's on TVRI and later on TPI.

When I was a child, I was addicted to watching the series. Now I hardly remember the storyline. LOL.

I wish I was a little older. I wish I was born earlier and enjoyed my childhood at the time the series and the books were still on the hype. Now people only enjoy terrible stuff. By the way, Melissa Sue Anderson was perfectly beautiful. She's still beautiful, of course. But this Mary-character brought up the most beautiful side of her.

Aaaah, those Mary's blue eyes. I really miss watching this series. :'(

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Żegnaj, Panie Kaczynski

This is my tribute to the late President of Poland, his wife, his family, the other victims in the plane crash, and surely to the Polish people.

The Presence of Existence: An Ode to Lech Kaczynski
By: Rima Muryantina

The presence of my existence hardly knows thee,
Until the presence of an existence, which most people associate as "free."
Your sudden unexpected freedom has caused a sudden unexpected grief,
Succeeded by sudden expected prayers, I believe.

Dear sir, I still hardly know thee,
But thy presence of existence sent my mind a great deal of philosophy,
That the world is a far-ranging dimension compared to the word "me."


Goodbye Mr. President. I hardly know you, but may God be with you.

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What I'm Feeling About Myself

"I've never lived. I died a few times."

Harold (Harold and Maude)

Let's be honest. I know that my family seems to be proud of me (or they "try" to be proud of me) and some of my friends say that I'm a lucky person and some of juniors say that I'm their role models (or maybe they're just trying to cheer me up) . But now I'm gonna tell you what I'm feeling about myself.

Truthfully, I feel ugly.

Mentally and physically.

Most of the time.

I've always felt ugly since I was a child. Up until now.

I never really fit in anywhere. In any parts of society. I've always been pretending. Just pretending that I fit in. Sometimes pretending could make me safe from the judgment of the society. But most of time it's just torturing. I know that I cannot force myself to please everyone everyday.

But when I'm not pretending, people will see the true ugliness of myself. I'm the kind of girl you would love to kill at the first place if you know what I'm feeling or what I'm thinking.

I'm a monster. Physically and mentally. I'm trying to be nice to human beings just because God told me to do so. Just because they're my kind, my species. Just for the sake of humanity.

Other than that, I'm an evildoer. I cannot do anything nice, anything proper, anything normal.

I'm ugly, I'm evil, I'm a sinner, I'm a moron.

If you know me deep inside, you would love to burn me to hell.

But you don't know. Because I'm trying my best to be invisible so that my evil self won't hurt you.

So let's just keep it all this way. Hidden. Pretending everything is fine. It's better this way....

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It's Not Your Fault, Rob....

No, seriously. I have nothing against Robert Pattinson.

I'm just too much in love with this guy. He's just too special.

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Things I'm Currently Addicted to:

1. Listening to the Live from the Basement version of Radiohead's - Optimistic (I can't stop it)

2. Reading Mafalda (I even use one of the dialogues from the comic for Discourse Analysis Mid Term Test)

3. Watching the trailer of "Keeping Mum" (2005) starring Maggie Smith & Rowan Atkinson. This movie is awesome. Unfortunately, it's way too underrated.

4. Bonnie Wright pictures (esp. the ones resemble Ginny Weasley. I love this character. Now I even like Ginny more than Luna... But don't get me wrong. I also love Bonnie. She made the character even more fabulous)

5. Kaya Scodelario (but I don't like Skins. I only like Kaya. hahahaha)

Okay, I'm supposed to stop all of these addictions and focus on my work. And on my study objective. when will I finish it anyway? I just don't get the feeling... yet. :(

Sometimes I could be such a procrastinator...

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Empiricism Vs. Rationalism - Hermione Granger Vs. Luna Lovegood

"Luna has told me all about you, young lady. You are, I gather, not unintelligent, but painfully limited, narrow, close-minded."

- Xenophilius Lovegood (Luna Lovegood's father) to Hermione Granger -

Well, for people who have learned philosophy, you probably know that there is always a never-ending war between two general perspectives of truth: empiricism vs. rationalism.

In short, rationalists believes that something is right if it rationally makes sense, even if you don't have any evidence to prove it. Meanwhile, empiricists believe that something is right if you have a living proof in reality (not only in your mind). In other words, one has its center in your rationale and the other has its center in the five senses (anything you can see, smell, touch, taste, and hear).

In the past, rationalism was popular in France while empiricism was popular in England.

....... No wonder there's always a sense of competition between the two countries.

This has always been problematic. In some cases, rationalism is not always right. For example, in English Grammar: rationally, the correct form is "you weren't sad" instead of "you wasn't sad." But in fact, there's in an evidence that there was a native speaker who said, "You said you wasn't sad to see her go." (That native speaker was Alex Turner from Arctic Monkeys when he sang the song "Bigger Boys & Stolen Sweethearts"). The rational rules made by the native speakers was destroyed by the native speakers themselves.

So in that case, rationalism is proven wrong.

However, there are many cases in which rationalism wins over empiricism. Take Galileo Galilei as an example. He was executed because he rationally initiated the idea that the earth is round, and he even rationally supported Copernicus' idea that the sun is the center of the universe. At that time, he couldn't find a living proof to strengthen his arguments.

Years later, when people have discovered many things, when people could take a picture of the earth and the solar system, Galileo and Copernicus' ideas were proven right. Empiricism was proven really limited due to humans' incapability of sensing something really faraway from them.

So in this case, empiricism lost the battle.

Now, what does it have to do with Hermione Granger and Luna Lovegood?
Well, as you know, both of these smart girls hardly get along in terms of ideology. Ms. Granger called Ms. Lovegood as "Loonie" Lovegood because she believes in some magical creatures that can't be seen by ordinary wizards/witches. Ms. Lovegood, on the other hand, considered Ms. Granger as "narrow minded."

I think Ms. Granger is an example of a conservative empiricist and Ms. Lovegood is an example of an eccentric rationalist.

Well, in the Harry Potter series, Ms. Lovegood was proven right because finally Mr. Potter could see the "invisible" creatures. It only takes some different perspective for Mr. Potter to be able to see them. *well, at least that's what J.K. Rowling tried to say. I think somehow she supports Luna over Hermione.

For me, I used to be the loyal defender of Hermione Granger. The way she studies, the way she resolves problems, the way she answers questions in the class.... they all remind me of myself, when I was in highschool. And when I was a Maba. I always want the evidence first before believing in something (except when it comes to my God and my religion, I prefer to use my faith and my rationale in believing it).

However, lately, after 3.5 years studying Humanities (actually, I'm not sure whether it has anything to do with this), I think there's a "Luna" that was born in me. When I meet some eccentric people from my faculty, with their various different kinds of point of view, I feel like I could think much wilder than I used to. Those people have taught me to see "beyond" what I see. I'm not saying that I don't believe in a living proof. I'm just saying that this "Luna-syndrome" has made me realized that there are things that cannot be proven empirically or even explained rationally. There are things beyond what you see, as Rafiki, the wise monkey from the Lion King once said.

And I can't explain it further in a more ordinary living written words. You know, it's rationalism. Hahaha.

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D is for Delightful

Arctic Monkeys are always great. And UAN is always nail-biting.

Therefore, I would like to give a video of Arctic Monkeys interview for the students who are facing the national exam.

Well, that's quite irrelevant, isn't that? Who cares? Good luck for you all.

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It is not a multiple personality disorder, and doctors cannot save me

All the lonely people, where do they all come from?
All the lonely people, where do they all belong?

Eleanor Rigby - The Beatles

Okay, long time no posting positive thoughts. Sorry for sharing too much emotions and sadness in this blog. I've become a very troubled person these days.

I watched the series "Touched by an Angel" today. And even though I'm a Muslim, I get the point of the message of this series. The episode I watched was about Lonnie, a man possessed by a demon. Yeah, for all of you who don't believe in God and other things that cannot be seen, this series and particularly this episode would seem to be boring. However, the episode really touched my heart. I understand what Lonnie felt. It is torturing when your soul is controlled by something evil, then you become something that you're not.

And the most touching part was when Duncan, Lonnie's friend said, "God will never give up on you. He sends you angels."

and after that, when Lonnie finally got over the demon, Duncan said, "Welcome home, Lonnie."

I guess I cannot explain it in a more unlaughable way.

Well, go on, normal people. Go and laugh at me. All I know is that I believe in something our eyes cannot see.


P.S. the picture is Eleanor Rigby's statue in Stanley Street, Liverpool.

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Greenpeace, I Quit

Okay, I know this entry will sound offensive for some people. I don't know about Greenpeace International, but I really really really really dislike Greenpeace Indonesia.

As a member of Greenpeace, I always got newsletters from them. And I don't think I share the same vision with them anymore. They're just too much.
And the way they said it: Sinar Mas, perusak hutan Indonesia terbesar, saat ini memasok minyak kelapa sawit bagi Nestle, produsen coklat terkenal KitKat, untuk produk global mereka.

For me, it was just way tooooo impolite and judgmental. Other than that, I often watch on tv and find that their activities are way toooo radical. They seem to be more like "seeking popularity" than "protecting the earth."

Therefore, I don't want to give my money for nothing. I'm gonna stop my donation, as soon as I finish my teacher training program and my french course.

Maybe I shall go back to WWF. Or maybe I shall try Profauna. They are way moooore honest.

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When are you arriving? My propeller won't spin and I can't get it started on my own.

Finally, Arctic Monkeys' My Propeller video is available on youtube! :D

Let's watch. Amazing video. As amazing as the song. [hmpfh]

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I Can't Get a Life If My Heart's Not In It

Give me a minute, a man's got a limit
I can't get a life if my heart's not in it

Oasis - The Importance of Being Idle

Seriously, I don't understand why people keep acting like they know everything about me and that I am the luckiest girl in the world.

I AM NOT. Sorry to say.

"Everyone will be happy if you can immediately get a job after graduating."

"I will be happy if I were you, Rim."

"You're the most perfect and blessed girl. blablabla."

What if I'm not? What if you're wrong and I'm not like other people? I'm not everything you think I am? What if I don't want to get a job immediately? What if I want to take a rest for a while after 3.5 years of having a pain in the ass?

Why should I like what most people like? What if I don't want to get married? What if I don't want to have a child? What if I really love my parents but I cannot fulfill everything they want because I'm only human?

What if I don't want to dress like other people, when they want to have an interview? What if I HATE interview? What if I don't like people telling me what to do? What if I don't want to be judged from my appearance? What if I don't want to try to convince others so that they believe that I'm experienced even when I'm actually not? What if I cannot talk to new people easily? What if I don't hang around with people because I like to be alone? What if I miss my old friends? What if I don't want my mom to get involved in anything I do because she will mess up everything? What if I want to tell many things to my mom but she can't be trusted anymore at all? What if people don't understand you and you will never understand people?

What if I don't want to change myself just to please other people?


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While Waiting for The Rain to Stop

Okay, I'm waiting for the rain to stop. If it doesn't stop yet, I won't be able go to my faculty to assist Writing class. God, I hope it will stop raining soon.

Meanwhile, I have translated two professor profiles and I have finished two Teacher Training journals.

Give me a big applause!!! *clap clap clap* ---> nevermind


Still waiting for the rain to stop, I'm gonna tell you about my future plans. I'm planning to try Fulbright scholarship program. I want to study linguistics in America. Wish me luck.

I'm planning to focus on pragmatics, sociolinguistics, and historical linguistics. If I could I want to discuss about bahasa Indonesia and Indonesian local languages in my future thesis. And I have observed some universities in the U.S. And I have to choose 3 universities that I would like to attend. However, I found these four:

Yale University

It is one of the best universities in the U.S. It also has one of the best linguistics department. But I got only a little information from the site. I'm not sure whether or not they will encourage my ideas about Bahasa Indonesia and Indonesian local languages. However, they do encourage researches on sociolinguistics and historical linguistics. And I love the location (I love eastern part of the US). Moreover, the member of The Ivy Leagues. haihaihai.

Cornell University

I love the location. It is also the member of The Ivy Leagues. I love the campus panorama. My favourite professor, Bu Melanie Budianta is the alumni of this university. It has one of the best linguistic programs in the US. But... but... when it comes to historical linguistics and sociolinguistics, Cornell focuses only on the European or Indo-European languages. T___T
Stanford University

It is one of the best universities in the U.S. It also has the BEST and the most complete linguistic programs. I just don't like the location. I don't like California.

University of Hawaii Manoa

It is probably not the best university in the US. However, it supports sociolinguistic and historical linguistic research on Austronesian languages (including bahasa Indonesia and Indonesian local languages). I like the panorama in Hawaii.... but I'm afraid of Tsunami and Russia's plan to have a missile test in the North Pole. XD

So, which one should be my priority? and which one do you think should I eliminate from the list? I can only choose three. [read]

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Innalillaahi wa inna ilahi roojiun.

From Allah we come and to Allah we return.

Today, one of my mom's best friends, Uncle Ahlan, died.

I just met him last week. On Wednesday, February 24.

Now today, he died.

I pray that God will forgive his sins and mistakes, and that He will take Uncle Ahlan's good deeds.

I'm sad, not only because he's a nice person, but also because he's so nice to both of my parents. I love people who are nice to the people I love.

And last week, when I sounded a little bit complaining about my current job, he said, "That's good. At least you know that life is never easy. When you are faced by difficulties, you learn something from this life," he said, more or less.

His advice made me feel better and started to think that I should stop complaining about my job and try to accept everything as the way things are.

His death also reminded me with my mom. She's old now. I know she's suffering from many diseases. She often suffers from insomnia. She's afraid of going to sleep because she said she's afraid that she couldn't open her eyes anymore one day.

She's afraid of death. I am afraid, too. But when the death arrives, I can only accept everything as the way things are.

I should be more thankful to what I've got. I'm really a type of person who doesn't know what I got till it's gone. I often treat my mom improperly. Sometimes it seems like I take her for granted. I am not a good daughter because sometimes I cannot fulfill my mom's wishes.

One of my mom's wishes is.... to see me married and have children.

But I can't give her grandchildren. I don't want to get married (at least that's what I feel at the moment).

But I really want to make my mom happy and fulfill her wishes. I want to make her proud. I know that I can't stay forever with her. Because I know someday we will be separated. Either by death, or by life.

Oh my, she called me. I will talk to you later, bloggy.

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