Water-Babies' Translation

I'm trying to translate one of my favourite novels, Water-Babies by Charles Kingsley. Please do leave a comment. I want to know whether or not I have done it well. Your suggestions are more than pleasure to me. :)

I'll only post the first paragraph of the story.

The English Version:

Once upon a time there was a little chimney-sweep, and his name was Tom. That is a short name, and you have heard it before, so you will not have much trouble in remembering it. He lived in a great town in the North country, where there were plenty of chimneys to sweep, and plenty of money for Tom to earn and his master to spend. He could not read nor write, and did not care to do either; and he never washed himself, for there was no water up the court where he lived. He had never been taught to say his prayers. He never had heard of God, or of Christ, except in words which you never have heard, and which it would have been well if he had never heard. He cried half his time, and laughed the other half. He cried when he had to climb the dark flues, rubbing his poor knees and elbows raw; and when the soot got into his eyes, which it did every day in the week; and when his master beat him, which he did every day in the week; and when he had not enough to eat, which happened every day in the week likewise. And he laughed the other half of the day, when he was tossing halfpennies with the other boys, or playing leap-frog over the posts, or bowling stones at the horses' legs as they trotted by, which last was excellent fun, when there was a wall at hand behind which to hide. As for chimney-sweeping, and being hungry, and being beaten, he took all that for the way of the world, like the rain and snow and thunder, and stood manfully with his back to it till it was over, as his old donkey did to a hail- storm; and then shook his ears and was as jolly as ever; and thought of the fine times coming, when he would be a man, and a master sweep, and sit in the public-house with a quart of beer and a long pipe, and play cards for silver money, and wear velveteens and ankle-jacks, and keep a white bull-dog with one gray ear, and carry her puppies in his pocket, just like a man. And he would have apprentices, one, two, three, if he could. How he would bully them, and knock them about, just as his master did to him; and make them carry home the soot sacks, while he rode before them on his donkey, with a pipe in his mouth and a flower in his button-hole, like a king at the head of his army. Yes, there were good times coming; and, when his master let him have a pull at the leavings of his beer, Tom was the jolliest boy in the whole town.

The Indonesian Version (my translation)

Dahulu kala hidup seorang anak pembersih cerobong asap bernama Tom. Namanya singkat dan sangat familiar sehingga tidak sulit bagi kalian untuk mengingatnya. Ia tinggal di sebuah kota besar di Negeri Utara, negeri yang memiliki banyak cerobong asap untuk dibersihkan dan sedikit uang untuk diperoleh oleh Tom untuk kemudian dihambur-hamburkan oleh tuannya. Tom tidak dapat membaca dan menulis, dan ia tidak peduli. Ia tidak pernah mandi karena tidak ada air di lapangan tempatnya tinggal. Ia tidak pernah diajari berdoa. Ia tidak pernah mendengar apapun tentang Tuhan, kecuali dalam kata-kata yang seharusnya tidak pernah ia dengar. Kadang-kadang ia menangis, kadang-kadang ia tertawa. Ia menangis ketika lutut dan sikunya terluka saat ia memanjat cerobong asap dan ketika matanya kemasukan debu (ia mengalami hal ini tiap hari). Ia juga menangis ketika tuannya memukulnya (ia mengalami hal ini tiap hari). Ia pun menangis ketika ia tidak mendapat cukup makanan (ia juga mengalami hal ini tiap hari). Dan ia tertawa ketika ia bermain lempar-lemparan koin dengan teman-temannya, atau bermain lompat katak, atau melempari batu pada kaki kuda yang sedang berjalan, yang memang sangat menyenangkan, apalagi ketika mereka dapat bersembunyi di balik dinding setelah melakukannya. Sementara itu, Tom menganggap bahwa membersihkan cerobong asap, kelaparan, dan dipukuli majikannya sebagai suatu hal yang alami dan wajar seperti halnya hujan, salju, dan gemuruh. Ia bertahan menghadapinya sampai semua itu berakhir, seperti keledai tua yang bertahan dalam badai. Setelah itu, ia akan menggosok telinganya dan bersenang-senang dan membayangkan tentang masa-masa bahagia di masa depan ketika ia akan menjadi seorang pria dewasa, seorang Boss para pembersih cerobong asap yang duduk di penginapan sambil menenggak bir dan menghisap cerutu, bermain kartu, dan mengenakan beludru dan kaki palsu, dan memelihara bull-dog putih yang memiliki telinga berwarna abu-abu, dan memasukkan anak-anak anjingnya ke dalam saku baju, selayaknya pria sejati. Dan bila ia sanggup, ia akan memiliki penerus, satu, dua, atau tiga anak pembersih cerobong asap. Tom akan menyakiti dan memukuli mereka seperti yang tuannya lakukan padanya dulu dan menyuruh mereka membawa pulang kantong berisi abu, sementara ia menunggang keledainya, dengan cerutu di mulutnya dan bunga di kancing bajunya, seperti raja yang diiringi para tentaranya. Ya, banyak kejadian menyenangkan terjadi. Dan ketika tuannya mengizinkan Tom mencicipi sisa birnya, ia menjadi anak yang paling bahagia di kota.

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So.... what do you think? Is it readable enough? xD

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1 comments:

kashif14763 mengatakan...

Really very relevant artical with the topic it is good work. http://www.translation.pk

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