Thanatophobia

Innalillaahi wa inna ilahi roojiun.

From Allah we come and to Allah we return.

Today, one of my mom's best friends, Uncle Ahlan, died.

I just met him last week. On Wednesday, February 24.

Now today, he died.

I pray that God will forgive his sins and mistakes, and that He will take Uncle Ahlan's good deeds.

I'm sad, not only because he's a nice person, but also because he's so nice to both of my parents. I love people who are nice to the people I love.

And last week, when I sounded a little bit complaining about my current job, he said, "That's good. At least you know that life is never easy. When you are faced by difficulties, you learn something from this life," he said, more or less.

His advice made me feel better and started to think that I should stop complaining about my job and try to accept everything as the way things are.

His death also reminded me with my mom. She's old now. I know she's suffering from many diseases. She often suffers from insomnia. She's afraid of going to sleep because she said she's afraid that she couldn't open her eyes anymore one day.

She's afraid of death. I am afraid, too. But when the death arrives, I can only accept everything as the way things are.

I should be more thankful to what I've got. I'm really a type of person who doesn't know what I got till it's gone. I often treat my mom improperly. Sometimes it seems like I take her for granted. I am not a good daughter because sometimes I cannot fulfill my mom's wishes.

One of my mom's wishes is.... to see me married and have children.

But I can't give her grandchildren. I don't want to get married (at least that's what I feel at the moment).

But I really want to make my mom happy and fulfill her wishes. I want to make her proud. I know that I can't stay forever with her. Because I know someday we will be separated. Either by death, or by life.

Oh my, she called me. I will talk to you later, bloggy.